Good Evening All,
Last week I shared on Facebook how excited I was that so many black celebrities are starting to open up about the reality of the importance of mental health and seeking therapy and wanted to further dive into why I am so excited to see this proclamation happening so publicly. Growing up, I can’t speak for all black families, but I definitely know that it was deemed that you were crazy or lacked “faith” in God if you felt that you needed therapy or assistance dealing with you mental well-being. In fact, most advice was “Just go pray and let God deal with the rest”, and although I am a person of faith, a huge part of me always felt that God didn’t allow therapist to exist without a purpose that was divine. However, for years, I just prayed and hoped that the anxiety I experienced…the abandonment issues, the sexual-abuse I experienced as a child (that’s too deep to cover in this post), and eventually being at war with my body with PCOS…would some how just…DISAPPEAR. Yet, sadly, year after year these unresolved issues contributed to poor decisions, a mis-identification of self-worth, inconsistently trying to self-love, and overcompensating in every relationship (intimate or platonic I ever had). Even though I knew I was suffering….I was afraid of the judgement of seeking help…I didn’t want to be seen as “crazy” or looked at differently for feeling like I was losing control inside.
Now let’s also just remember that on top of all my issues….I was dealing with being fat and black in the workplace….and I know some may not understand that….there is a real discrimination…for both…but when you’re going for the top positions….it most definitely was “mentioned”. Aside from all of my internal issues….one thing I always knew I was amazing at was working and excelling intellectually. No one ever could take away my intelligence and diligence professionally….in fact that is the way I coped with my other issues inside. If I couldn’t be the most beautiful, most loved, the favorite of anyone….I would be the smartest and most successful I could be.
Then that was threatened when I moved to D.C., where year after year it felt like I was being disregarded for being a black woman in a predominately male dominated series in the Government. The one area I felt safe was slowly challenged daily and in 2014….I literally broke down. It was the pivotal year where not only was I being professionally bullied, people and relationships I had given so much of myself …betrayed me…and my health began wavering with PCOS AGAIN. Friends that I considered closer than most blood relatives, that I relied on like family for 14 plus years, literally turned their back on me. I was in a toxic situationship (emphasis on no official commitment) where I wanted to feel loved so badly, but he didn’t want me beyond sex and fun, and then to add insult to injury, I was going through family struggles. I literally couldn’t handle it and slipped deep into a place of sadness and anxiety I had never experienced. I was calling out of work weekly, I just wanted to lay in bed, not deal with the outside world, or talk to anyone. It was the year of tears and isolation from anyone that wanted to be close to me outside of these situations. I tried Church and prayer, but it wasn’t enough. Finally, a friend that had lost her mother started to open up to me about her therapy sessions and slowly that gave me the strength to actually put forth action and seek help. Seeing how strong she was becoming session after session was the catalyst that maybe I could benefit from seeing someone too.
I say all of the above to say that IT IS OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY AND ITS FINE TO SEEK HELP TO GET TO A PLACE OF PEACE. I had to capitalize that because there is nothing more precious than a peace of mind. No amount of physical health, financial wealth, outside love, can cure a broken mind and flawed perception of self. As a black woman in America and just a minority overall, there are so many situations that cause and foster mental disturbances within our culture. The PTSD of just slavery, racism, fighting for Civil Rights, disparities in care is enough to cause issues within. I’m not discrediting any other ethnic group and their own unique issues culturally, however, I can only speak from the lens in which I’ve seen and experienced. However, it is imperative that you do not let any of these issues linger on to the point where you cause harm to yourself or others. It’s okay to seek some outside assistance whether it be anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, no matter what the feeling, you owe it to yourself to be mentally ok. I am a firm believer that God places people in this life to help heal outside of just traditional medicine. One thing I will say is shop around and find a therapist that aligns with your spiritual beliefs. I was fortunate that my therapist with a Christian and didn’t immediately turn to medicines to assist in my issues. In 2018, I can firmly say that I handle things in life in a new way and look back on that woman in 2014 as a reminder that I should never allow myself to reach that kind of breaking point again. I am more aware of when I’m starting to slide into familiar pattern. I am also confident enough to recognize that my weaknesses and experiences that make me feel anxious doesn’t make me less normal or crazy. Being a black woman with no mixing and special exotic features doesn’t mean I’m less likely to be loved (I’m telling you there was some emotional baggage I had to get through)…which is why these series of photos fit this post. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to drop a comment or send an email. Have a good evening loves.
Photos By: Kavah King of @gentlemenscurb
Outfit Details: Shirt from @glamazonfashions2 on instagram and glamazonfashions.com
Jacket from Project Runway’s Cycle 16 Sigarde Karidza Custom made follow him @sirgarde on instagram
With Love,
Lolo
