Good Morning All,
It’s My Birthday Weeek!!!!! How exciting right? I will be the first to say, that 31 has been for the most part, an incredible year of growth and blessings, so much so, that I wanted to summarize the top lessons and new areas of growth this year in the next three days leading to my birthday (3 being one of my favorite numbers). If you have followed my platform closely, I often entitle these moments of awareness and motivation as “LoLoisms”, because I mainly self preach, once I get that moment of clarity, then pass it on, just in case someone else is going through a similar struggle or need of encouragement. So to begin, lesson 1:
1. Your weight will never define your worth, ability to succeed, or limit the type of love you are capable of receiving.
In the start of 2017, I truly believed I had reached a place of comfort with self. I truly thought, I am the most confident I could ever possibly be, that was until the month of February. Three days after a rather romantic Valentine’s Day, I was dumped by someone that I was dating. However, that wasn’t really what hit me, it was his reasoning why. I was told that my plus size shape wasn’t “popular”, that although he liked plus-sized women, he preferred more of the coke bottle shape and that my butt wasn’t big enough and that I had too much stomach. He went on further to say, that I should expect this response because men that date plus-sized women due it because we work ‘harder’ sexually to prove that we are just as desirable as straight-sized women, so the sex is better. Of course, to top that off, I received the cliche’ “your face is gorgeous though, just imagine what you would look like if you lost like 80 to 100 pounds?”.
He went on to say that the reason he divorced his former wife was because she got too chubby and that he wanted to sleep with other women because of it. What an asshole right? Well at that time, I just was in disbelief, that after years of healing from similar encounters that I would be faced to deal with this same thing at 31, only this time it hurt different. I am single, with no children, and bring everything to the table, and for a moment I considered that maybe my ‘unpopular’ plus-size shape (I’m somewhat between an apple and pear due to PCOS) is keeping me from having the doting relationship I imagine I should have. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the last blow to my self-esteem for the month. A month prior, I had auditioned for a fashion show in the DMV area that welcomed all shapes and sizes. I won’t even pretend that I nailed the audition, but it was the rejection reason that once again blew me. Instead of just stating “I’m sorry you weren’t selected” I received “We aren’t taking many girls of your size in our show because designers won’t have any clothes for you size category, we don’t plan to really have anyone your size in our show this year”.
This completely caught me off guard because I walked in this show the previous year, and although I wasn’t disappointed in not making it, hearing again that my body is not of approval just really hit a nerve and made me question if I was really the kind of beauty the curvy community could appreciate. From March to June, I took these months to truly reflect on what I brought to the table as a woman, a model, a motivator, and if that was enough to impact the lives I wanted to touch. I prayed and prayed because I never like to give up on anything I’m so passionate about and one day a model reached out to me and said “You don’t even know the power you possess, your beauty, voice, strength, and vision are needed in this lifetime….God needs you to allow him to transform you just as you are to walkout your purpose”. I marinated and meditated on that word and sure enough, confirmation kept pouring in from strangers at the store, in my inbox on all my platforms from women and men that found me motivating and explained how watching me pushed them to never let society tell them that they can’t achieve their optimal versions of self and take control of their lives.
I slowly began to reprogram my mind and really realized that yes everyone that said I didn’t fit their mold was correct, I don’t. The kind of organic and genuine beauty I possess isn’t for everyone and the ones who don’t want to sit at your table, shouldn’t be there to eat with you anyway. Success is not defined by the No’s of someone else but by the yes’s you tell yourself. I further came to the realization that I’m more than a plus-size woman trying to prove I deserve equality among my straight-sized peers, I am a woman of greatness beyond a movement or a need to identify. The level of confidence I carry doesn’t need equality or to be accepted….my confidence is the standard that all should have. Any man that can see my glow, sees an asset to his kingdom, not my figure. Any plus-industry designer or fashion show that doesn’t have “room” for my kind of shape, doesn’t even deserve my attention, because I’m not placed on this earth to fit in with everyone. God created me, and I define me, so no outward opinion can inhibit my growth.
I end 31 truly blossoming into the most confident woman I’ve ever been literally. I can be called any level of derogatory, body shaming, ignorant form of slander and let it roll off my shoulders. I now realize that any man that thinks that a curvy woman has to try harder for love and appreciation is lost soul and is more insecure than he realizes. I also have come to terms that my singleness and lack of companionship has nothing to do with my physical being and more to do with my mission and drive. God has to bless me with someone who fully understands all I do and why I do it, for a relationship to work….and most men I’ve dated don’t get why I’m passionate about portraying my curves or advocating for those who feel less worthy in this world. I share this lesson with all of you lovelies to let you know that brokenness and insecurities are the fertilizer to grow into your greatest strengths, so enjoy those valleys before the mountain peaks.
Sincerely,
LoLo
