Good Day My Loves,
This week I am so excited to share my voice on what may seem to some a unique way to word how I feel about myself at the TCFStyle expo (purchase your tickets here). The panel topic is 20+ and how to navigate it, particularly in the world of being plus-size, however, for me its so much deeper than just navigation, it’s more like deprogramming yourself from comparison. Growing up, I was never considered the stunning one, whether it be that my complexion wasn’t light enough, my breast not big enough, booty not big enough, or stomach not flat enough….there was always some level of inadequacy being placed on me by the outside world.
It was as if nothing that I was naturally born with seemed to be just enough for anyone around me. In my group of friends, I was ALWAYS the chubby one with the kinky hair and sub par outfits because my parents couldn’t afford much and I also felt so uncomfortable in my skin. I was never picked on thank goodness and was always relatively popular (I’d like to contribute that to always being a pretty bubbly, free spirited individual), but coming to terms with my appearance and body was a humongous struggle for most of my life. So much so that I insisted on being a tomboy because it took me the furthest away from attempting to be “pretty” because I didn’t feel like I could be. It wasn’t necessarily because I lacked self-esteem, (at this time period anyway) it was more so that I didn’t see any women that looked like me being associated with beauty, sex appeal, fashion, or in many ways even being the marrying type. In highschool I just remembered being told, all the time by boyfriends and friends alike, if I just lost a little weight or were a tad bit lighter skinned I’d be gorgeous. I just didn’t know how to take that other than, this must be the standard of society and I unconventionally do not fit the mold.
Fast forward to my young adult life and that’s when it truly became noticeable that I wasn’t acceptable as I was. In college was the first time I truly experienced the difference being plus size really meant to some people along with colorism and what is considered “gorgeous”. It was the first time that my complexion and shape dictated whether or not I would be good enough to claim in a relationship, be asked out on dates, or the absolute worst, be expected to have sex quickly for NOT fitting “acceptable” standards. It was from the ages of 19 – 27 that I really struggled with wondering why in the world would God make me so “different”. Why could I not be the light-skinned girl with long pretty hair, flat stomach, big butt, so that I could be seen as worth adoring or loving. Why was it that my kind of plus-size body wasn’t attractive enough to be publicly acknowledged or men couldn’t just see all my great qualities over my fupa (which when I look back was minuscule compared to the one I have now). It took 8 years of toxic decision making, self-loathing, comparison, and over compromising to realize that I was indeed worth more and could be more.
In 2016, I decided to step out on faith and begin my journey to becoming a plus-size model, because after going through all of those situations, I felt like it was imperative that I showed the world my new found confidence. More importantly, I felt it was my responsibility to be a voice and example for a woman that was enduring the younger version of myself; I wanted to save women from being that toxic person who didn’t understand her beauty because it didn’t fit the popular description. To my surprise, entering the plus community brought even MORE subcategories and definitions for what is now “acceptable plus-size beauty”. So here I was again, existing outside of the circle of beauty. Only this time, instead of allowing that to defeat me, I decided to pave my own lane and push my perception of the unconventional, bronzed, beauty that I am today. I took entering this industry as God’s test to see if I was truly able to not only love myself, but deprogram myself from the thoughts and opinions of others regarding my size and appearance. Could I truly navigate the world as I was made, accepting all of who I was and who I could become. I will admit every day isn’t easy. There are absolutely some days that I am not feeling gorgeous, but one thing is for certain, I never let myself stay there.
I’m so excited to speak on the panel this weekend because I feel that being unconventional is the most beautiful place to be! I also firmly believe that women need to understand that you can be fashionable, sexy, desirable, successful, and confident above society’s “size acceptance”. Size cannot determine your outcome in life, unless you allow it to be the period to your sentences. Navigating the world above a size 20 is absolutely different, but it isn’t any less rewarding if you truly learn how to own who you are. I look forward to Saturday!!! Hopefully, I will see you there!
With Love,
LoLo
