Wisdom Wednesdays: Curves and Confidence

Good Morning Loves,

Although I know it is Thursday technically (I was soooo exhausted on yesterday after work), I wanted to introduce another segment on my blog called ‘Wisdom Wednesdays’ to share motivational and growth points that I’ve experienced or am experiencing to help those needing a little boost in their own lives. I definitely do not claim to know everything, as no one ever does know everything, nor do I profess to be a relationship counselor, love coach, motivational speaker, or any expert.  However, I do definitely own my truth and my process of becoming the best version of me every single day.  I also own my curves and have gone through the many tarrying emotions of self acceptance of being full figured in a world that didn’t always accept a woman with a wider waist circumference.

With that being said, today’s post is centered around truly being curvy and confident and the misconception that all plus-size women are easily attainable.  Sadly, there is a stigma that bigger women need constant gratification, attention, and are more willing to give in sexually because of lowered self-esteem and image issues.  Unfortunately, I have witnessed this and the stereotypes in many situations are true.  Due to a societal attack on plus-size women, some women have slipped into a depression feeling unlovable, unworthy, and unattractive.  I have even myself thought these things when I was younger due to dating men who constantly spoke about my weight and would state “Your face is sooo gorgeous if you could just lose 60 to 70 pounds, you would be much more beautiful”.  Of course a statement like that would pull at any young girl’s self-esteem.  You walk around feeling like you will NEVER find LOVE, NEVER be ACCEPTED, and NEVER get MARRIED, due to not being considered as desirable.

However, one thing my mother always instilled into me is that I was beautiful, intelligent, and made to be respected. She trained me up to be courted and to be hunted, not hunt and exploit myself continuously. Something that I think universally has disappeared in today’s world with our little girls who are now grown women. Sex has become so easily attainable, so devalued, and such a goal, that men do not know how to approach women appropriately any longer. Especially if you are plus-sized. The term BBW (which I hate with an intensity) has amounted to bigger women overly projecting their bodies sexually to compete with smaller framed women and helped create this stigma that plus women are easy and cling to attention. The BBW community is opposite of plus modeling, positive body image, and supporting women with curves. The BBW community is more so about sexual exploitation and exploration  to be lusted for (I speak from my own observation).  For that reason alone, I have completely divorced the word and get utterly irritated when anyone calls or labels me as a “BBW”, I’d rather just be called fat to be honest. Also, Let me SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT; ALL PLUS WOMEN ARE NOT EASY, NEED ATTENTION, OR DESIRE SEX. If I got paid for every dick pick I received throughout the year in my DM’s, my student loans would be paid off.  It’s actually sad because quite frankly it speaks to the reality of the plus size community and what is readily accepted.  Men wouldn’t pursue women this way if it wasn’t working somewhere.

I have by no means been perfect in my dating life. However, I’ve never been easy or allowed myself to fall for a man based off the girth of his anatomy.  I have never ever been a one night stand, a sex toy, or even opened my legs for a man that didn’t ‘pursue’ me properly in the beginning.  I have always been the curvy girl with self-worth, regardless of a few hiccups here and there. I have always felt absolutely complete all alone because my mom raised me to feel like my shit was decorated with diamonds, glitter, and fun-fetti. So when a man hits my inbox with an overly sexual attempt, it turns me off. On occasion, I have entertained it for giggles and to really explore intentions once I put the gentlemen on notice that this is not okay….however if women would stop letting it be ‘okay’, men would change their approach.  I can’t even blame the men if the thirst trap is working on the plus community because of self-image issues or a desperation of some women to feel ‘wanted’. So many plus women portray this aura of confidence publicly, but behind closed doors, are desperately seeking attention on a daily basis. This needs to change ASAP.

Ladies, I want you to know that you are worthy of love no matter how wide your waist is, no matter the number in your jeans, and the rolls on your body.  You are a woman immaculately created by God; You are God’s creation to serve a man that sees you as God’s masterpiece. You are not something that should be easily accessible by any man that wants to penetrate you. Your sex is not a bartering tool to receive affection. Your mind, spirit, skill-set, dreams, love of God, and beauty are the qualities that should be sought after. No man not willing to know the essence of who you are deserves the opportunity to ‘know’ you in any way.  Sex was created to be enjoyable for the man who pursues you and seeks you for more than fun and thrills or a sick fetish.  This is not to say that I have never been in a place of confusion on how to receive love, but when you truly become curvy and confident, there is no room for anyone pursuing you less than authentically. When you walk in your truth, accepting every imperfect nook and cranie, you do not settle for just any man’s attention. Words don’t move you nor do photo likes, comments, and giving you pet names. None of the aforementioned will impress you. You look for actions. Authentic actions that demonstrate that he wants more from you than ‘thigh pie’.

I want 2017 to be about confidence and displaying confidence to men in a constructive way. Flirt, text, do whatever you want, but most importantly make him WORK FOR YOU. If he doesn’t want to work to have you, then he isn’t worth receiving sex from you. You don’t owe it to any man to give in without being treated well. That doesn’t mean be unreasonable but please stop falling for DM’s and Eggplant displays because it truly makes it hard for women who really are not false advertising their confidence.  It becomes utterly exhausting to be pursued the same way over and over because someone in the BBW community gave in to this premature attempt to satisfy a males carnal need for sex. Let’s do better beloved.

Love Always,





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